Lysistrata's Daughter

The best way to see what the church thinks about marriage is to look at the marriage service. One thing that interests me is the movement of the service. It’s actually quite similar to baptism. At a baptism, the godparents and child/catachumen stand in the narthex for the first part and don’t enter the church itself until they have been exorcised and recited the creed. After the baptism itself, the newly illumined and godparents hold on to the priest’s stole, then follow him in procession while he holds the cross, around the table with the Gospel book on it. At the marriage service, the couple and their attendants start at the back of the nave. There they exchange the rings, then move into the center of the church. The couple is crowned, share the common cup, then perform the “dance of Isaiah”, which is a similar procession as at baptism. The bride and groom hold hands and the priest’s stole. He holds the cross. They, with the wedding sponsors, process three times around the table wit...

"Sleeping Princess" by Viktor Vasnetsov Sleeping Beauty gets a whole lot of shade. Most of us know the Disney version, which is just a damn mess. BUT the original is amazing, and I think is really directed not at kids but *parents*. Why does Sleeping Beauty fall asleep? Because her parents are trying to save her from the prophecy about the spinning wheel. They don't warn her about spinning wheels. They try to protect her from them by never letting her see even one. Which is impossible. This is the original helicopter parenting! Of course, it doesn't work, so the whole kingdom falls asleep when she pricks her finger. Notice that. It's not just the princess. It's everyone. By over-protecting their daughter, the king and queen actually stop the entire community from continuing and developing. So the prince comes along, sees her great beauty, and wakens her with a kiss. Which I think, in context, is symbolic of sexual awakening. This bit is often considered prob...

Anger is a guardian emotion. It tells you when something is wrong, when your boundaries have been broken. It tells you to take action. Too often we refuse to listen to the message of our own anger and especially the anger of children. Anger doesn’t go away when you ignore it. It goes underground and becomes deformed. Anger that’s faced has delivered its message. It is resolved. This is different from just going away, though. The thing about angry, difficult kids is that their behavior is communication. Something is happening to them or inside them that is too big for them to deal with on their own. They express that overwhelm as anger because they don’t have words to express what is inside them. What happens for a lot of parents is that they themselves might not have a lot of words to deal with their own overwhelm and anger. So they shut kids down. It’s not too hard to do when kids are little. You can put them in time out or banish them some other way. You can tell them to be quiet o...

"'Take what you want,' says God, runs a Polish proverb. 'Take what you want, and pay for it.'" Misery comes when we try to avoid the payment for our choices.

Tuesday is Treat Tuesday, and the kids wanted to go to the Halloween Store. Me, quoting Epictetus: When you go to the bath, you want not only to go to the bath but to keep your choices in accord with nature. There will be people who splash, and people who yell. Your robe may be stolen. But you must keep your choices in accord with nature. Me: Children, in the same way, when you go to the Halloween Store, you want not only to go to the store but to keep your choices in accord with nature. It may be very loud, you may want a lot of things, your mom will tell you you can only have one thing. But you must keep your choices in accord with nature. Result? A nice outing to the Halloween Store, where each kid picked out one inexpensive thing and was happy with it. Keep those choices in accord with nature, baby!

Tradition is alive. It's passed down from person to person. This is why our young converts get so confused. They look to each other, all equally ignorant, or online, which by its nature cannot hold the tradition. I don't want to make an idol of a priest, because I think hanging out with the sisterhood ladies and the guys who hang out smoking on the patio and singing in the choir and in general having real life experiences of all aspects of church life is the way that the tradition is passed on. Because so much of life IS online now, I think we need to be very clear and explicit with new people that you have to experience Orthodoxy to get it. A bunch of learned podcasts will not and cannot substitute for showing up to services.

Look, my dewy-eyed new convert, I'm going to tell you a secret:  mostly, the church doesn't work.  Mostly, it's just as ridiculous and absurd as any other motley collection of broken human beings.  But don't give up.  There's nothing that works any better on offer elsewhere.  You have to keep showing up.  Just show up and learn that feelings and hamster-wheel thoughts aren't real.  Show up and try to quiet your inside, but if you can't, show up anyway.  Most of the spiritual life is showing up.  And sometimes, your heart will break open and be able to contain just a tiny shard of grace and beauty, but it will feel like the whole world.  Savor those moments, but don't look too hard for them.  They don't come just cuz you whistled.  But when they come, be grateful, and tuck that joy and peace and grace away in your heart.